Why Not Emily

We all have icks. That one thing that just turns someone from irresistibly attractive to completely gross in the instant you learnt it about them. A lot of them are very valid – you know, someone being a bigot, or not brushing their teeth, we’re allowed to be put off by someone if they’re genuinely good reasons.

But today, I’m talking about irrational icks. I KNOW we all have them, regardless of how people try to put themselves out as non judgemental and open. There are always just little things that put you off for no reason. And I’m about to share a bunch of mine. And in NO particular order;

1. When men walk and eat a meal deal sandwich at the same time. Like, a handful of sandwich in one hand and the cardboard packaging in the other, walking along the road. I don’t know why, it’s just really embarrassing. Sit down and eat, you animal.
2. Men trying to ice/roller skate. I’m glad they’re trying, don’t get me wrong. A man that’s up for ice skating and roller skating, that’s great. But if they can’t, I’m not with them. No sorry ma’am, I don’t know that Bambi on ice over there, I’ve never seen him before in my life.
3. These emojis – XD or >:). How old are you? Twelve?
4. They have a leather flip phone case. How are you? Sixty four?
5. They have a fear of heights. Get on the rollercoaster you big baby.
6. They poke you (not on Facebook, I mean in person) to be playful and flirty. Don’t touch me you freak. And this is super niche, I’ve genuinely had it happen to me before and he poked me IN THE FACE and I felt weird for the rest of the date. 
7. They don’t have Instagram. It’s ok not to be on social media but I often think ‘what the heck are you hiding?’ if they don’t have it. And if they DO have Facebook but aren’t on the gram, why? Are all your friends middle aged white women that share minion memes?
8. They like F1 or golf. I don’t have anything else to add to that.
9. When it’s hot they go out in the British public with no shirt on. No one asked to see your nipples sir, it’s 34 degrees out here. If you can get your nips out, can I too?
10. They like shopping in Waitrose or M&S for their weekly shop. They’re probably a Tory.
11. They’re a Tory. Not an irrational one but felt like it should be included.
12. They buy clothes from JD or Sports Direct that aren’t just for the gym. Buy a proper pair of trousers. Grow up and throw that horrid Nike tracksuit in the bin. (Or sell it on Vinted for a fiver because pre-loved is the most loved baby!)
13. They have ‘funny’ slogan t-shirts. Or cutesy slogan t-shirts. Or Disney t-shirts. Or Marvel t-shirts. Just wear a plain t-shirt, save me the embarrassment.
14. They don’t like either cats or dogs, or even both. How?! Everyday all I ever want to do is to stop every dog or cat I walk past to be best friends with them.
15. Their favourite flavour of milkshake/ice cream is Strawberry. 
16. They drive VW, BMW or Mercedes’. I know it probably means they’ve got money but it also probably means they can’t drive.
17. They drive a red or white car. Cringe.
18. They can’t drive at all.
19. When they try to make a bed and they don’t turn the duvet sheet inside out. How are you an adult man that doesn’t know how to make your bed?
20. They’ve ever been on a lads holiday to Magaluf, Ayanappa, Ibiza, Malia, Zante, or Benidorm. 

And to be honest, none of them are absolute dealbreakers. I wouldn’t be that upset if you couldn’t make a bed but you played Eddie Munson in Stranger Things and your name is Joe Quinn. Okay, I’m joking but you know what I mean. Icks aren’t dealbreakers. But I would really prefer it if you just sat down when eating a meal deal sandwich please.